YOU MIGHT BE PORTUGUESE, IF……

The rabbit you named Fluffy on Tuesday, became dinner on Sunday

You truly believe that Fox Point is #1 and don’t mind expressing it in spray paint on the side of the Washington Bridge

You spend three hours in line for bread at the bakery every Sunday after 10:15 Mass

You’re shaving daily by the age of 9…and you’re a girl.

When you are cooking, you yell “BAM” everytime you add a spice to something

Your car and driveway is covered with grape stains every summer

Each time you you look down at your dinner plate, there’s something with eyes staring back at you

There’s one room in the house with the furniture completely covered in plastic and you’re never allowed in there under any circumstances. Understand?

Your widowed grandmother wears a black dress in August to the beach

You have at least 2 inside-out tires in your yard being used for plants

There are two kitchens in your house. You cook in the one in the basement, but no one uses the one on the first floor

When you were growing up, there were always at least 18 PRO-FM bumper stickers on your Dad’s Plymouth Sundance

You still get scared when your mother picks up a wooden spoon-even if it’s just to cook with

You search the house for your favorite blanket and find that your mom stole it to cover the rising sweet bread dough

You have more than 3 Aunt Marias...

You don't "turn off the faucet", you "close the water."

Your Uncle Carlos gets drunk and ends up in jail during every Church Feast.

There's a bullfighter statue on your mom's coffee table

Your house always smells faintly of codfish and Comet.

There are more statues in your front yard, than in your church.

When you pick up a girl for her first date, her father puts a 7 inch filet knife to your throat and threatens to kill you if you even think of touching his daughter.